Hungry for Joy

~ wordancerblog

I am trying valiantly to put on a happy face; turn up the holiday music while wrapping an assortment of gifts.  Many of my gifts have gone out in the mail already.  I can sit back and relax.  I can, but I don’t.  I feel on edge.  I’m trying my hardest to find joy in small things: making gingerbread houses with children, singing along to my favorite carols, watching the cardinals decorate the bare branches of my maple tree.  These bring momentary solace, but still, I yearn for something more, something less ephemeral. I guess that’s a tall order to ask for – permanent joy.  I don’t expect permanency, but maybe just little more moments, more moments of unexpected joy.  That would be nice. 

I’m just finishing C.S. Lewis’s Surprised by Joy: The Shape of my Early Life.  As I get closer to the end, I am reading more and more slowly.  I want to linger with Lewis a bit longer.  I want his words to continue to delight me, to knock me over with their insight.  His faith journey inspires me.  His connection to joy and the natural world is something I have nurtured in myself: pink shells along the sea, a sudden rainbow after a storm, the appearance of a fairy circles around an old pine. This, I feel is what I was born for – to experience the natural wonders that God has set down for us if only we will pause and appreciate them.  I write poems, which now I see as prayers, to capture these joyous moments.

Yesterday, I received an early Christmas present from a good friend. It was a book I so desperately need right now, Joyful: The Surprising Power of Ordinary Things to Create Extraordinary Happiness by Ingrid Fetell Lee. As I started reading the preface, I kept pausing, taking in the important concepts. Yes, I believe in the aesthetic nature of joy and how one’s surroundings can change one’s mood and even transform a drab city into a vibrant community.  Surely, I can find a way to take charge of my dreary December moodiness and make it into something joy filled.

Later in the day, I stepped outside into the frigid night.  I was greeted by the fleeting image of a fox.  Her burnished fur was unmistakable. My sullen mood suddenly brightened. I took her to be a good omen, and I started to compose a poem in my head, as I am apt to do when surprised by joy.

12 thoughts on “Hungry for Joy”

  1. … no longer hungry. Your ending line resonates with me as I think about your piece here. I, too, and perhaps all of us, am moody this time of year and ponder joy. Life is messy and moments of joy fleeting. Like your fox. Or perhaps it is more that those moments when we realize we are feeling joy are rare. Like you, i struggle to improve my mood, read, appreciate the red of cardinals n the winter tree… I dont know any answers. but I do compliment you on an honest piece of writing that includes small moments, some sad and some joyful (your friend’s gift!), discussing books and philosophy and faith, and your own poem. I hope writing this brought you some measure of joy.

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  2. As I began reading your post, I thought, she needs to read JOYFUL. And then I got to the part where you received it as a present. Oh, you’re going to love it!
    But, may I make another suggestion? If you haven’t read Katherine Center’s novel, WHAT YOU WISH FOR, may I suggest getting your hands on it? (I wrote about it in this post, https://raisealithuman.wordpress.com/2021/01/01/olw-2021/. It’ll allow you to preview the book without having anything spoiled for you.) Her books are my go-to whenever I need a pick-me-up!

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  3. “I write poems, which now I see as prayers, to capture these joyous moments.”

    I had a hard time getting into poetry, but then when I started seeing them as prayers,I felt I didn’t have enough time to write poems! They help me capture joy, but also sadness and desperation. I feel your similar hunger during this season, and I also find myself writing more poetry during this time. Thank you for sharing!

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  4. So much food for thought here, from your honesty about the restlessness of the season to the search for joy. The line I love? “watching the cardinal decorate the bare branches of my maple tree.” There is such an abiding appreciation in that image, the unconsciously flamboyant cardinal and your use of “my” with the maple. I’m finding joy right there!

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  5. There is so much to take in from this post. I am always up for a good book suggestion, so I will be checking those out–even Stacey’s in her comment. These words seem to tug at my heart at the moment: I write poems, which now I see as prayers, to capture these joyous moments. And the moment of joy and surprise you captured in your poem is beautiful! I hope you find lots of JOY in these last few days of December.

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  7. I’ve always enjoyed reading C.S. Lewis but haven’t read this book, nor have I read the other one you mentioned. I did read Unearthing Joy, however. I’ve long been confused by those who find joy in the midst of hardship, but this year I’m thinking about how I’d feel selfish if I were not joyful given the horrible conditions so many on this planet must endure. And like you, I write poems when inspired by life’s little moments of joy. Today I wrote a snippet about half melted snow.

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  8. Thank you, Glenda. I forgot to mention “Unearthing Joy.” I really like that book and was able to hear Gholdy Muhammad speak. She was very inspiring. Another great book is Ross Gay’s “Inciting Joy.” He’s incredible! Hope to see and read that snippet about half melted snow!

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