Summer Song

Every year for the last 46 years, teaching has afforded me the summertime to recharge and regain my focus and purpose.  This summer, I am finding it difficult to relax into the sunshine and warmer weather.  These past 6 months have been a time of loss for me.  My mother-in-law, who was a great friend to me, died in January, and my father died in March at the age of 99.  During the school year, I wasn’t able really to grieve.  I was given the allotted five days, and then back to work.  I thought I was handling these losses because the students kept my mind off the giant holes that are left with their passing.  It seems like the older I get, more and more slips away. I try to have a positive perspective, try to gather strength in my faith, but this summer I feel that my faith is being tested.  My dear cousin who was my first best friend had brain surgery a few weeks ago and is now paralyzed on her left side.  I pray that she can still recover some movement.  I have not been able to see her or talk to her yet.  I am fighting discouragement. I know she would want me to stay hopeful.  So, I continue to pray for her and try to make sense of all this loss.

A couple of days ago, quite unexpectedly, I received an email from a stranger saying that she had read one of my blog posts and wanted to put four of my bird poems to music as a gift for a dear friend.  I smiled when I read this. It’s funny how a complete stranger can step in and make you feel seen and heard.  I granted her permission and look forward to seeing and hearing how she puts my words to music. 

Right after I opened her email, I opened another email.  It was one that subscribe to called Jesus Calling.  I receive daily spiritual reminders from the author, Sarah Young, that help my focus on what matters most.  On this particular day, When I opened my email, I read: I understand the difficulties you’re facing but remember I am your Strength and Song. I am strong enough to carry you when you feel as if you can go no further. I even enable you to sing with Me—on good days and hard days. I, your Song, can fill you with Joy! (from Jesus Always (page 203).

I smiled again that morning, realizing that I must keep positive and hopeful. I need to keep writing, my way of singing.  During one of my last classes in June, I was talking to a group of 5^th graders about how I always loved to sing, but one of my teachers told me that I should just mouth the words.  The students were horrified.  I reassured them that I became stronger from that interaction.  I didn’t stop singing, and I learned to put music into my poetry.  I told them that alliteration, rhyme, rhythm, and repetition all contribute to the music of a poem.  I actually had never thought about poetry quite like that until I told my students about it.  By teaching I always learn so much.

Now, this summer, when there is so much to grieve, so much to be anxious about, I have been reminded to keep singing, keep that summer song in my heart and share it with others.  We only have a precious short time on this little spinning planet,  I know I must keep searching for small joys and sing them out loudly.