Crafting Kindness

Kindness Deficit

I have been working with children for over four decades.  During that time, I have witnessed a slow erosion of kindness and amicability.  With the onset of COVID, political division, and lack of public safety, these last few years have produced an atmosphere of intolerance. Everyone is in a rush to get to the finish line, but we are not stopping to see that our friend, neighbor or peer may need our help.  An air of distrust permeates our society. As a result, children are greatly affected by what they see, hear, and feel, even if they cannot yet completely understand it. Instead of fostering a sense of calm collaboration, children are being raised in an era of tension, intolerance, and uncertainty.  As schools keep focused on academic excellence, we are losing sight of general civility.  Teachers often say that they don’t have time for the social-emotional side of learning. However, if we don’t put in the time, if we don’t slow down and focus on how we communicate and treat each other, then all learning suffers. Children need a strong, clear foundation of kindness and consideration, so they can appreciate other points of view and become fully functional, productive citizens. Slowing down, listening to students’ needs and concerns, and building in time for communication can make classrooms a model for a civil society.

Kindness Connection

In the rush to teach more and more content, to cover all the necessary skills, teachers sometimes have difficulty connecting with their students.  They forget to ask, “Who are this unique learners in front of me?” and “What does they need to grow?”  A perceptive teacher not only asks, “What content should I teach them?,” but also, “What do they need for their social-emotional development?”  When teachers show interest in students’ family lives, activities and hobbies, and their unique personalities, a bond is made which helps teachers foster their students’ growth, especially when the student faces an obstacle or setback.  Teacher-student connection is the key to a child’s social-emotional well-being, and in the end, it is this important connection that keeps the child motivated and engaged.  If a student knows her teacher cares, then she will want to do her best and try just a little harder. She is not afraid to take risks, and she sees her teacher as a partner in her success.  They have developed a transactional relationship, and she has become invested in her own learning.

Kindling Kindness

There are many ways to kindle kindness, to make students feel safe and honored.  The techniques used in the Responsive Classroom method are proven and give students the confidence they require to fully participate as active classroom citizens.  Instead of rushing into the day, Responsive Classroom teachers, begin the day with connection. They emphasize both teacher-to-student and student-to-student relationships.  From the start, this type of community building, fostered each and every day, affords students a stable base in which to exchange ideas in an open and accepting setting.  From this foundation, children can grow confidently and flourish.  They learn to build strong and trusting friendships. They develop the tools with which to be independent and compassionate community members.  This circle of friendship is recursive; it becomes stronger and stronger with each cycle.  Trust replaces skepticism, cooperation replaces competition, and altruism replaces selfishness.

Friendship Circle Poem & Craft

As often happens, my classroom reflections become an impetus for poetry.  I recently crafted this poem and art project and hope to share them with some of my young learners.

Books about Kindness and Friendship

Websites for Teachers:

• CASEL – Social Emotional Learning
• Learning for Justice
• Responsive Classroom
• The Kindness Curriculum
• The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation

Books for Teachers:

• Cultivating Kindness: An Educator’s Guide by John-Tyler Binfet
• Emotionally Responsive Practice by Lesley Koplow
• Gentle Hands and Other Sing Along Songs of Social Emotional Learning by Amadee Ricketts
• Lost at School by Ross W. Greene
• Permission to Feel by Mark Brackett
• Planting Seeds: Practicing Mindfulness with Children by Thich Nhat Hanh
• Reading to Make a Difference by Lester L. Laminack
• Teach Kindness First by Kathleen Murray
• Teaching Children to Care by Ruth Charney
• Upstanders by Harvey Daniels

Picture Books:

• Each Kindness by Jacqueline Woodson
• Farfalina and Marcel by Holly Keller
• Four Feet, Two Sandals by Karen Lynn Williams
• Have You Filled a Bucket Today? by Carol McCloud
• Kindness Grows by Britta Techentrup
• Kindness is Cooler, Mrs. Ruler by Margery Cuyler
• Kindness  to Share – A to Z by Todd & Peggy Snow
• Ladybug Girl and Bumblebee Boy by Jacky Davis
• Margaret and Margarita/Margarita Y Margaret by Lynn Reiser
• My Friend Isabelle by Eliza Woloson
• Ordinary Mary’s Extraordinary Deed by Emily Pearson
• The Fairest Fairy by Anne Booth
• The Girl and the Bicycle by Mark Pett
• The Invisible Boy by Patrice Barton
• The Other Side by Jacqueline Woodson
• What Does it Mean to Be Kind? by Rana DiOrio

Chapter Books:

Early Chapter Books (ages 6-9):

• May and June and the Wonder Wheel by Charise Mericle  Harper
• The Princess in Black and the Mysterious Playdate by Shannon Hale
• Wolfie and Fly by Cary Fagan

Chapter Books  (ages 9-12)

• Breakaway by Andrea Montalbano
• Diary of an Awesome Friendly Kid by Jeff Kinney
• El Deafo by Cece Beil
• Fish in a Tree by Lynda Mullaly Hunt
• Making Friends with Billy Wong by Augusta Scattergood
• Ophelia and the Marvelous Boy by Karen Foxlee
• Raymie Nightingale by Kate DiCamillo
• Real Friends by Shannon Hale
• Roller Girl by Victoria Jamieson
• Ronia, The Robber’s Daughter by Astrid Lindgren
• Star Scouts by Mike Lawrence
• The Question of Miracles by Elana K. Arnold
• Tru and Nelle by G. Neri